in which i eat of the wonka nerds

I've just consumed three mini-nerds boxes in a fit of rage: purple, pink, then purple again. I did it in that order because I like the pink the best but because there was only one pink left I had to offset it by purples, since, afterall, I do not want a purple saturation taste in my mouth. There is too much going on in my mouth as it is right now: a cold sore and two, TWO canker sores. Consequently, I feel like a messy slob. And I know its because of the weather, and the stress blah blah but you may be wondering... why does someone in a fit of rage take the time to consider their nerd order admidst the gulps?

I guess this is not a true fit of rage. I'm sad too. Because because sometimes I'm afraid I believe just anything I read. That I read a book on feminism and animal ethics and everything that I hear makes me think we are all sexist animal abusers. Because somedays I feel like an idiot, and not a good, "ah I am aware of my lack of knowlege so actually I am wise to believe that I am an idiot" idiot-- but the actual jerkish kind who thinks they have shit to say but really dont.

Im sad because I think people play into roles without realizing it... especially in romantic relationships but also in school among educators. Teachers are no better than preachers in that they all love the converted rebel. Once you're in their orbit and actually want to learn well-- no you are immediately unattractive and their interests in you will drop OR never spark in the first place. My advice? Play hard to get because that's all people understand any more.

BESIDES measuring intelligence is bullshit so why doesnt everyone just act like everyone else is extremely bright, because they are. Really they are. We are. Even if I say the dumbest thing, I want someone to challenge me on it. And even if I write something terrible, or vague, or silly, or confusing, or half-assed, I want a teacher to go for it and treat me like someone who wants to learn. Isnt that enough? What is this nonsense where they sit back and try to ascertain "what sort of student you are" -- and then treat you accordingly after they think they've "figured you out"? The danger in this is if enough educators do it, then we start believing it. We will seperate ourselves out into our appropriate types. All because their grad school must of not have emphasised the virtues of empathy and patience. Becuase it takes time and humanity and discusssions of real things unfolding between people. Becuase it's harder to do than to decide who gets into an "inner circle" of knowledge-- dangling your intellect just out of reach of those you teach instead of fellowship and communion with those who just want to figure things out too.

Its rude. Intentional or not.